What is Intimate Relationship for on the Spiritual Path?
Intimate relationship on the spiritual path is a chance to create the ideal conditions in which spiritual growth can take place. A chance to rebuild a micro version of society the way you would love it to be.
What do you choose to create together? How about a micro-culture that empowers Spirit. Is that not in and of itself a radical societal shift? Moreover, as we enlighten our intimate relationships these overflow into the World and can even sprout into enlightened family units. Thus the path of a relationship can become part of the big picture Enlightenment of Humanity and the building blocks for an Enlightened Civilization.
First we have to acknowledge that since our relationship is now about something different, something greater, the old ways of relating are no longer going to fly. So we need to recognize what these old ways are and weed them out. We’re talking about such things as neglecting the wisdom and inspiration of the heart and giving all the power to the mind, making money the bottom line, becoming a servant to Time, having unclear, indirect or not-quite-truthful communication, having sexual relationships that do not enliven our Spirit and feeding and empowering the false selves through our relationships.
Therefore we must throw away the relationship/marriage model of the Old Paradigm that is based on coming together in an atmosphere of struggle and scarcity amid a vibration of competition, separation and survival and consciously rebuild a relationship that is of the New Paradigm; the New Paradigm being a subtle vibration to enter in to in the present moment, of harmony, inner-connectedness and unconditional love. We rebuild a relationship model that will bring the relationship into that vibration and it is a quantum leap away from the old model.
Why do so many relationships on the spiritual path become unhappy or fail to serve the relationship goals?
Firstly because many have not agreed or have been unclear about what their relationship is about, what it is for and second because although the couple could be sincere in their resolve for spiritual growth, they are defaulting to millennia of Old Paradigm programming, to a relationship/marriage model forged in a vibration that holds no space for that which they wish to embody: Peace, Compassion, Joy, aliveness, creativity, enthusiasm etc; the flowers that effortlessly bloom from those in touch with and empowered in their Spirit.
A New Paradigm relationship will begin with a new set of agreements.
There are fourteen of these new agreements suggested in The Esoteric Path of Marriage, which is in itself a blueprint for a relationship in the New Paradigm. However we forge our relationship, let it be a relationship focused on Truth; that does not demand words from one who is processing on the inside, that is not afraid to enter stillness together; a relationship that nurtures purity and dismantles blame; that allows itself to drop deeply into feeling at the first sign of emotions reaching critical mass; that holds non-judging space when our partner is taken over by old programming; and a relationship that is honest and does not lie; that knows how to heal the totality of itself – mentally, emotionally, sexually and spiritually.
Even as we enter the kind of New Paradigm relationship we are describing, the Old Paradigm will continue to influence us; for we ourselves are working the Old Paradigm (of scarcity, competition, struggle and fear rooted in survival built on seperation, out of our selves) out of our systems, as we reveal that which we truly are. So we must remain ever vigilant of old patterning but this is accomplish-able when we work together with systems in place.
In the Old Paradigm the yogi went off to the cave to become Enlightened, but now more than ever the yogi in the cave is needed in the World. So we must find ways to Enlighten ourselves in the world so that we can empower the Spirit of the World. Many of the dynamics in the World are askew. It is up to each of us to play our part to put them right. To learn to hold space/presence, speak our truth, not be run by fear, honor purity, build reverence for each other, expand ourselves and never go against the wisdom of the totality of our being-ness. So what better arena to practice that than in your relationships?
Written by Maha Brown and David Pan Brown, authors of The Esoteric Path of Marriage: A Guide To Spiritual Enlightenment Through Relationship.